Hannibal Buress: Animal Furnace – Money Over Everything


There’s this rapper,
young jeezy. He has a song where he says,
“how stupid? Dumb big. My rooms got rooms.” All right. Nah, jeezy,
those are closets. Those aren’t extra rooms
in your rooms. Jeezy. He’d be the worst
real estate agent ever. “right here, we have
a 34-bedroom house. “let me show you
around the property. “great feature of this place–
some of the rooms “have extra smaller rooms
in them. “you have to sleep
in these rooms like this. “very unique
sleeping situation “inspired by the japanese. “now let me show you
to the bathroom. “the bathroom is great.
You have a regular size tub. “then you have
a miniature tub: the sink. It’s actually–” I do–i feel like
rap affects how I talk with people
too much. It’s not good. I was talking with my mom
on the phone, and she was telling me,
she went, “hannibal, so I’m watching
your niece and nephew for a week while
your sister is gone.” And I was like,
“for a week, ma? “they watchin’ you
for a whole– “you watchin’
for a whole week? “are they payin’ you
to watch ’em for a week? That’s a long time.
You gettin’ paid?” She said,
“no, hannibal. “a grandmother doesn’t
have to get paid to watch her grandkids.” And I said,
“yo, ma… Money over everything.” [laughter and applause] just not healthy. Sometimes I get drunk
and I get into arguments with taxi drivers,
and I get out the cab and I slam the door. That’s not the way to win
an argument with a taxi driver. The way to win is
you get out the cab and you leave the door open. Then he has to step out, come
around, and close that door. While he’s doing that,
I’m on the other side, opening the other doors. And we just keep going
around and around and around and around. And I got my own benny hill
situation going on in life. It’s great.
[humming yakety sax] [laughter]

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